Red flags

Red flags are the observable behaviours or patterns that indicate a potential partner is likely to be incompatible, emotionally unavailable, or actively harmful to your wellbeing. They include love bombing — intense premature affection designed to manufacture attachment before trust is earned; future faking — grand promises about a shared future with no intention of follow-through; contempt, dismissiveness or mockery disguised as humour; inconsistency between words and actions; controlling behaviour framed as caring; and avoidance of all directness about what they actually want. Unlike dealbreakers, which are simply incompatibilities, red flags signal patterns that tend to worsen rather than resolve.

Recognising red flags early is harder than it sounds. Many present in ways that feel flattering at first — love bombing registers as intense attraction, future faking as exciting romantic enthusiasm, controlling behaviour as reassuring attentiveness. Swipe-first apps compound the problem: when matching is driven by appearance and first impression, there is no structural filter on values, intent or relational health. You rely entirely on pattern recognition after the match, often well into an emotional investment. The person displaying the flags has full access to you before any of those patterns have had time to show.

Lamp's compatibility-first matching reduces the probability of exposure at the source. When matching is grounded in demonstrated personality, values and clarity of intent — not a snap judgement on a photo — the pool you draw from is already filtered for the things that correlate with healthy relational behaviour. That does not make red flags impossible to encounter, but it shifts the baseline: people matched on genuine values alignment are less likely to rely on the manipulation tactics that red flags describe. Cross-reference love bombing and future faking for the two patterns that most commonly appear in the early stages of a new connection.